How to use a baby balloon.

Once you have fully inflated the infant, attach the string and let it slowly float upward.

Try holding two or three at a time for effect.

Billie Jean

Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son

Billie Jean

Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son

Billie Jean

Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one

But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son

The Bee's Knees

Offering proof, were it needed, that the bee's knees has an asymptotic limit, or may reflect a more simple supply-demand function.

Sometimes two is too many.

Happy Easter

A moment later, she was gone.

Their Greatest Hits

Now available in stores, the song stylings of Geraldine and her sweatered puppet Ricky. She has a lovely voice and her ventriloquist duets are sublime.

My personal favorites are their versions of "Mockingbird" and "Afternoon Delight". You'll think he's alive. Really.

Rip Van Winkle's Tattoos

And when Rip Van Winkle finally woke up twenty years later, he rubbed his eyes and saw that he was covered in tattoos from head to toe. But little did he know that fashions in the glen had changed so dramatically from earlier times.

No longer were skulls and dragons and fire and buxom babes the pride of men and ladies alike, but instead the text from favorite quotes, long speeches, and even entire books were now preferred. Oddly, all were done in Comic Sans font.

Starting on his forehead, and cascading to his toes, were inscribed in multicolor hues the The Beatles biography, complete with song lyrics.

Only on discovering where the footnotes were placed did his senses become overpowered, and soon he was tempted to imbibe the draught; and though he reiterated his visits to the flagon often, he quaffed the liquor in profound silence. "Who are 'the Beatles'?", he wondered.

The Age of Aquarius

The chief astrologer for Belgium's Alternative Medicine Division soon found that Kimberley Vlaeminck's tattoos served as an able and handy reference.

The fate of Apollo 13

James A. Lovell, Mission Commander of Apollo 13 , recently recalled an altercation with  Command Module Pilot John L. Swigert, Jr during the dramatic 1970 space flight. Said Lovell,

"About a day into the mission, Swigert started eyeing me strangely. You know, licking his lips and all. Finally I asked him what the hell was wrong, was he sick or something? For about 10 minutes he just kept saying "mmmmmmm ....pancakes".  

He didn't stop until I hit him with my helmet.  I'd forgotten all about it because of the loss of the oxygen and all on the second day.  We never spoke about it since.  But I still won't sit next to him at reunion functions.  No way."